Here and There - The Science of Lust
You want what you don't have. You want what's THERE. HERE is familiar. THERE is fantastical. HERE is known. THERE is a prediction.
You crave THERE because it's new. Novelty triggers a chemical response in your brain that makes you feel amazing or motivated. It's the surge you feel when you purchase something new after a hard day at work or when you feel lonely. It's the butterflies in your stomach thinking about a new love. It's why you should never grocery shop when you're hungry. It's why they call it comfort food.
I'm no brain scientist, so I won't attempt to comprehensively explain the brain's novel prediction error responses. However, in a nutshell, your brain is making predictions about your future based off previous experiences (what is HERE). That's why life feels normal most of the time. When it encounters something new/novel that it sees as beneficial, it throws a novel prediction error that releases a dopamine surge. This feels amazing.
"YOU MUST POSSESS THE NOVELTY THAT'S OVER THERE", your brain screams. What you have HERE is not enough. You won't survive without what is THERE.
When you bring what is THERE to HERE, it becomes familiar. It's not new anymore. The novelty wears off, and so does the dopamine hit. Your brain returns to its old, boring prediction mode. The feeling goes away. The memory of the feeling leaves you wanting more.
This is lust.
Lust imagines THERE, and ignores HERE. Your body becomes addicted to novelty and variety. What 'could be' becomes the drug of choice. I call it Satan's LSD. Lust -> Sin -> Death. It destroys marriages, relationships, and resources.
This seems like an impossible cycle to break. The good news is that God always gives you an escape from THERE to HERE.
The escape hatch in the fantasy of THERE is thanksgiving. Gratitude is the tool by which we refocus our eyes to HERE, instead of THERE. You cannot be in both places at once. You cannot be thankful for your spouse HERE, and be lusting for someone THERE at the same time. Whatever is THERE, fill in the blank _________. Gratitude brings you to the familiar, which turns off the dopamine spigot. Thankfulness HERE is God's will for our lives.
Anxiety is a symptom of an addiction to THERE. Thanksgiving is the cure.
Jesus is always calling you to HERE. He is HERE right now. He promises to take care of THERE (Matthew 6). HERE is where you find your family, your church, your provisions, your friendships, your covenants, your life – right now. You are meant to live HERE.
Science says you are simply an evolutionary prediction machine. I say that you are a connection being. What you really want the most, deep down, is HERE. When you connect to HERE, your brain releases different neurotransmitters than dopamine like oxytocin and serotonin. These are connection responses that will make you feel wanted and safe. Thanksgiving can spiritually and chemically produce the connection feeling you so earnestly desire.
God has redeemed THERE from lust. It's called HOPE. You can look to the future based on His promises rather than your brain's chemical survival mechanisms. Joy comes with hope, and it sticks around when things become normal again.
Take a look around. What can you touch, who can you speak to, what is within your reach? That's HERE. It's the best place to be right now.
Notes:
- If you would like to read more on the brain's novel prediction error system, and the concept of HERE and THERE, I recommend reading The Molecule of More.
- The science about dopamine has changed in the past few years to focus more on novelty in general vs. simply pleasure.
